


Lifetime Long Pursuit

by LeeGyuAeri



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Romance, slow pacing, tags and warnings might be updated as this goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25259218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeGyuAeri/pseuds/LeeGyuAeri
Summary: He realized a bit too late that he was so thirsty for a love that can never be quenched by anyone but Chanyeol.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Kudos: 1





	1. Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> To my first love, this is for you, J.
> 
> Introspection  
> \+ Intro - inside; spectare - looking  
> \+ To look within

He realized a bit too late that he was so thirsty for a love that can never be quenched by anyone but Chanyeol.

It was all a belated thought (too belated, because Baekhyun, sooner or later, had to admit that he still isn't and will never be over Chanyeol) that gives too much of a strong impression as the dregs of his dreams lingers that morning he woke up. On crisp winter mornings where nothing lingered but the cold, his hands goes up to his arms, almost like an embrace to offer himself solace from the remnants of what seemed to be a rather pleasant dream. Where his fingers curled was the location Chanyeol's candle fingers cradled him dearly. Baekhyun puffs up a breath, and he grinds his teeth in frustration as he feels a ghost of a breath linger by the nape of his neck, feeling the feeble words of Chanyeol resonate within him, trapped and sealed away. He doesn't want to let the words go, because it is the closest thing to his love that Baekhyun could get.

About two years ago, Baekhyun remembers thinking on his commute home to province, how he was at fucking disposal of Chanyeol's every request. Some were mundane, like meeting up at hours when the world is dead asleep, and nothing remains to be heard but their hushed voices. Some were just downright "infuriating", like waking him up over countless heartbreaks and Baekhyun proceeding to lose the few hours of sleep he's have left. Of these countless times he was caught into Chanyeol's web of disastrous self-loathing -

\- Baekhyun had always thought of kissing him senseless.

He admits to thinking of it every time Chanyeol barges into his apartment door, reeking of pungent alcohol and stifling melancholy.

 _I am so worthless._  
_I shouldn't have loved at all. Nobody could ever keep up with me._  
_Maybe love wasn't for me after all_. Chanyeol heaves up a throaty chuckle, and Baekhyun was holding onto his every fiber to not ruin what trust of so called love had Chanyeol left of. Baekhyun's soul was aching to drown the words away.

The taller of them two, he was so desperate for love that he had chased countless people in hopes of them conceiving the same love he had for them. It was indescribable how he craved for so much affection, how he was willing to compromise his own life in exchange for the drip of love that fate had always deprived him of.

Chanyeol was so, so, broken that Baekhyun was almost, always at a loss for what to do every time.

And he wonders why his love could never suffice for what Chanyeol was looking for.

Baekhyun also ponders why Chanyeol chooses to look away when he was there all along.

He knows he can never be what Chanyeol had always longed to look for, but what is it exactly that Baekhyun doesn't have that every person he cried for has?

As much as he despised the hours of lost sleep, he could never muster up the courage to actually hate Chanyeol. The word infuriating came from someone else's perspective, and Baekhyun had borrowed it in hopes that it would suffice to explain how frustrating things can get with him, yet, perhaps it wasn't the most appropriate word out there to describe what a mangled mess he had caught himself into. In the midst of comforting his best friend, Baekhyun had wondered when had that morphed into wanting to kiss him. �  
He had one job, and probably another one.

One's a full time psychotherapist and another is to tend to Park Chanyeol.

Byun Baekhyun juggles his hours with these two objectives prioritized - and he had the heart to be perplexed when he realized how he probably will never be over Park Chanyeol.


	2. Chronic Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On that winter morning of his day off, Baekhyun disregards all rationality and options of cancelling the plans.
> 
> With a tampered heart held up by sorely thin threads, he wonders when will his limit actually break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chronic Care  
> +long term care and treatment of patients with long-standing health problems

At 8 A.M. on a winter morning, Baekhyun woke up too early on a day off, only to dread the remaining hours of the day away because when lunch time rolls over, he'd be officially introduced to Chanyeol's girlfriend. Again.

The thought sent chills to his spine, probably out of apprehension and the cold combined. His phone starts to ring, vibrating loudly by his night stand and begging to be answered.

With a lazy hand reaching out from the duvets, he answers with a lazy eye opened, not bothering to look at the caller's id and name. "Dr. Byun Baekhyun, who's this?" he groggily answers, voice hoarse.

"You've got three hours to postpone yourself of another heartbreak, Dr. Byun." Kyungsoo, his lifelong best bud, enunciated the honorifics added to his name. Baekhyun frowns at this. They both know very well that even though Baekhyun is presented an option to bust himself out of this fucked up situation, he would have done the same thing still; break his heart with Chanyeol serving it to him on a silver platter because that's what makes Park smile.

"Soo, it's too early for this." he sighs, and he hears Kyungsoo mumble a string of curses beneath his breath.

"It's not Baek. You're twelve years late for this shit. How many more times do I have to call you on your shitty mornings to present you this option of saving you another piece of yourself?"

"I actually dreamt of him last night." There's a silence for a few seconds, and Baekhyun knows Kyungsoo would just resign to his fate of being just another missed reminder.

"What's it this time?"

"He asked me out." He hears a sarcastic chuckle by the other end but Baekhyun pointedly ignored it and went on.

"And I actually declined. I don't know what's wrong with me to do that when all I ever do is talk about him with you."

"No shit there, sherlock." and Kyungsoo audibly sighs again, probably out of concern. "Are you really going, Baek?"

"If you didn’t have Jongin, I would've wondered if you liked me."

"I hope your food doesn't taste good later, ByunBaek." Kyungsoo curses, but Baekhyun knows he didn't mean it and laughs at the childish remark. Kyungsoo never meant his mean words although he was so fucking frank all the time that it pierces his heart like a knife.

"You know Chanyeol never feeds me shitty food."

"'Course he won't, when all he ever did was feed you when you meet his dates."

"I can feel your eyes rolling, Soo."

"Because this is… whatever, just don't come barging in when its past midnight for ice cream."

Baekhyun hums in appreciation, a quaint smile donning his face because who would care for him if Kyungsoo wasn't alive?

"Thanks. I owe you a lot. I'll be there by dinner, hopefully." The call ends. For a moment, Baekhyun ponders if all of this was really worth it.

_As if on cue, he remembers all the time Chanyeol smiles at him._

On that winter morning of his day off, Baekhyun disregards all rationality and options of cancelling the plans. He proceeds to take a hot bath, with hopes of it being enough to calm his nerves. With a tampered heart held up by sorely thin threads, he wonders when will his limit actually break.

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction was done in inspiration to some real life situation (not literally, just some of it).  
> So this is kind of real life inspired in terms of feelings and its kinda weird fleshing it out on these people but I guess this is just some kind of outlet to my frustrations that I kind of never told anyone else irl 
> 
> To be fair to you readers, I do not know when I will be able to finish this, but I do want to put it out there just because.  
> As for the ending, I am still trying to make up my mind if it would be good one or ... well, true to life as well.  
> I hope that wherever this story will take its turn will be at least entertaining to y'all and would be successful in putting out some of the hard and negative emotions in me. 
> 
> That all said, this fiction will probably have TONS and I mean TONS of grammar corrections and such, and although I am affluent with the English language, my grammar stuff isnt that consistent so, I hope you guys will bear with it. I'll try my best to make it as accurate as I can. 
> 
> Tldr; Fic inspired irl, dunno where the story is headed, grammar shits here and there.  
> So yeah! hope to see you in the next chapter


End file.
